Saturday, November 28, 2009

Climategate jokes

Q: How many climate scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The consensus is that its going to change, so they've decided to leave us in the dark.

A: You have to file a freedom of information request to get that information (but it will be denied).

A: What light bulb? The EU has banned them for environmental reasons.

A: None. The mainstream media prefers to stumble around in the dark.

A: 2501. That’s the number in the Intergovernmental Panel of Light-bulb Change. 2451 of them are only formally members and couldn’t care less, though everyone flies their jet planes to expensive international conferences to get pissed and allow their names to be used in several thousand pages thick reports, sure to lay substantial areas of forests barren. There are about 50 that sit and cherry-pick the light bulbs that are suited for “the cause”. Of these only about a dozen check that the correct light bulb – and only the correct light bulb – is selected. Finally Al Gore climbs to the very top of the ladder and make sure that everything becomes totally screwed up.

A: What a bloody bickering about light bulbs! We will not change light bulbs. The light-bulb science is settled once and for all. You’re only a gang of conspiracy theorists that deny the Holocaust, think the US Government blew up the Twin Towers and see Flying Saucers in the sky.

A: None. because you can use the trick of hiding the decline in luminosity.

A: Changing a light bulb, you said? I’m from the government and I’m here to help you. Of course you have to pay the light-bulb tax, the electricity tax and of course the CO2 tax, not to forget the climate-change fee, the environment duty and the fossil-fuel charge. What? Well, mortgage your house, for heaven’s sake! Think of the poor panda bears, please. First we must make sure that the light bulb complies with regulation 4.71, paragraph B) in sub section…


  1. Love the jokes - hope people post more and really get this rolling.

  2. Here's to my final climategate joke, as well as a thanks to the climategate gang & movie "an inconvenient truth" proclaiming the end of the world due to man, which left me in tears after watching it and believing everything in it about 6 years ago. I assumed Al Gore's movie was an inconvenient "truth" and entirely honest about the downfall of man and the entire planet, allegedly entirely due to man.

    Then some unknown good samaritan exposed the Climategate scandal. I began reading hundreds climategate emails, and was shocked and began questioning the horrifying claims of Gore's movie and constantly in the media.

    I began at that point reading over five years of abstracts of many of the climate-related scientific abstracts each day as they were published online, and thought I'd archive my findings directly from the science to share with others, help them learn along with me what is the real inconvenient 'truth' about climate change, so I began this blog to archive what I found for others to read if they wish. I had no financial interest, never received or asked for a dime, it was only a search for the truth.

    Along the way came to realize that the CAGW scare was was a deeply anti-scientific enterprise with a political agenda of self-interest, the opposite of true science, irreparably scarring and harming the world, causing poverty, suffering, and unnecessary fear to everyone for no good reason, and the most for the poorest and most vulnerable people on the planet. The entire scare was based upon breaking essentially all laws of physics, from a cold atmosphere "radiative forcing" "trapping heat" allegedly increasing the temperature of Earth 33C, to denying gravity/mass/pressure effects, to quantum mechanics. I began this blog to expose why AGW does violate most physics discovered over more two centuries ago (and even debunked by some of the greatest physicists in history including Maxwell, Carnot, Clausius, etc.), but few took me seriously in this quest.

    This "climategate jokes" is my 1st post almost exactly 5 years ago. I'm very glad I kept it up, despite suffering all the slings and arrows. It's been a lot of hard volunteer work I've put in this blog for 5 years, never asked for or received a penny, just did it because I hoped my tiny role might make some difference, and it looks me to today after a chance discovery that it finally will, discovered while doing calculations and writing a post for this blog regarding a "mass/pressure/gravity" post.

    I've constantly been called a "climate denier," "basic physics denier," and even "gravity denier," ironic given what was incidentally discovered today is very fundamental to the "basic physics" of gravity/mass/pressure/climate, etc, proving it really does boil down after all to mass/gravity/pressure/entropy over time, as I've been thinking about for the last 5 years of blogging.

    And thanks to that mass/pressure/gravity theory, within a couple hours of writing a blog post today, I discovered some incredible "coincidences" about cosmic constants including gravity, mass of the earth and sun, and the solar constant which prove the
    the mass/gravity theory applies not only climate, but cosmically to space-time as well, a grand unification theory of all physics sought for many years.

    I'll post much more later as are too many details to reveal now, but just in case anything happens to me before I give the wonderful news to the world, man does not control climate, but here's a clue what does:

    integrate t = (m*l)^(1/2), integrate t = n^(1/2)

    and then you'll have all the answers you need about the past and future of climate, and every'thing' else.

    Best wishes to everyone and the universe past, present, and future,